


And I Have Been All Along

by aworldofmyownliking



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: And fluff of course!, F/M, Multi, Or: The one where Mai goes on vacation, Other, She deserves it honestly, Zuko and Mai get back together, lots of Maiko angst, sprinkled with some emotional growth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25872607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aworldofmyownliking/pseuds/aworldofmyownliking
Summary: After the Kemurikage incident and disastrous break-up with Kei Lo, Mai is desperate to get away from the Fire Nation and a certain Firelord for a little while. But everyone knows you can only outrun yourself for so long. Meanwhile, havoc breaks out in the palace again, leaving everyone scrambling to find answers. In order to confront this new and mysterious presence, Mai and Zuko will have to also confront their not-so-subtle feelings for each other.
Relationships: Aang & The Gaang (Avatar), Kyoshi Warriors & Ty Lee, Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, howdy! This is my first multi chapter fic in a hot minute, and I hope to update it somewhat regularly. Maiko is one of my favorite ATLA ships and I just couldn't get this idea of how they rekindle their relationship out of my head. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> *This story does follow the comics canon for the most part, FYI. We are fudging the timeline a bit on the whole "they get back together in three years" thing.*

It wasn’t until they reached the acrid-smelling docks that Mai was reminded why she liked to steer clear of the area. No matter where she, Michi, or Tom-Tom stepped, the oppressive smell of fish seemed to follow them everywhere.

_Please don’t let this smell follow me all the way to Kyoshi Island_ , she thought.

She was painfully aware of her mother’s presence at her side as they arrived at the ship that would take her far away from the Fire Nation. If she were Ty Lee, she’d be doing back flips up the ramp and across the deck. But since she was her, she was going to try and get out of this depressing farewell without having to hug her mother.

“I’ll see you in a month,” she told Michi. She turned her glance to her baby brother, who was clinging to their mother’s leg. “Be good, okay? Don’t eat too many flowers while I’m gone.”

Tom-Tom grinned. “Okay.”

Mai turned to board the ship, but Michi grabbed her by the sleeve.

_Damn._

Before she could protest, her mother had her in a bone-crushing hug not even a lion vulture could escape.

“Mother, please, I’ll be fine. It’s just a couple of weeks,” Mai said, desperate to get out of the vice-like grip.

She gently patted Michi on the shoulder. She may have hated hugs, but she didn’t quite have the heart to tell her mother that at the moment. She’d looked so sad before embracing her.

She supposed she shouldn’t complain. In the months since the end of the war, and especially since the revelation that her father was the leader of the New Ozai society, her mother had been increasingly more affectionate toward both of her children, much to Mai’s horror.

Honestly, the hugging wouldn’t be half as terrible if it didn’t cause the well of guilt to bubble up in the pit of her stomach. After all, wouldn’t her parents still be together if she’d just kept everything she’d seen that night a secret?

She pushed the guilt back down into the little box that sat in her heart, locking it tight like she always did, but all she could hear was Ty Lee’s voice.

“You can’t keep doing that forever, you know. You can only outrun yourself for so long.”

_Oh yeah?_ She thought. _Watch me._

Mai tried to politely break away from her mother’s embrace to no avail. The minute Michi felt her pull away she just held on tighter, causing Mai to sigh. Her mother’s behavior may have changed, but that didn’t mean Mai’s had to.

“Believe it or not, I’m going to miss that sigh,” Michi said, causing Mai to roll her eyes. “And your overly dramatic eye rolls.”

“How did you--?”

“I’m your mother, young lady, I know everything.”

The conversation she’d had with Zuko yesterday flashed through her mind, and she blushed. Mai hoped her mother hadn’t learned any sort of telepathy in the last few days.

_Definitely not everything..._

Tom-Tom circled both of their legs, attempting to wedge himself between the two women. (It was his favorite thing to do lately. He called it making a “hug sandwich”, whatever that was.)

A few dock workers scurried around the three of them, muttering under their breath about moving their displays of affection elsewhere. Mai thought of a few choice places they could stick their opinions.

“Ty Lee will be with me,” she said as Michi finally broke off the hug. “We won’t get up to much.”

Her mother pursed her lips.

“The last time you told me that, you ended up becoming enemies of the state,” she reminded her.

“Oh, yeah. Good times.”

Michi frowned. Tom-Tom laughed.

“Mommy mad!”

“Not mad,” Michi said, scooping Tom-Tom up into her arms. “Just worried.”

“Worried about what?” a familiar voice trilled behind them.

Mai turned to see Ty Lee, clad in her typical all-pink ensemble, traipsing toward them. Leave it to Ty Lee to stick out like a sore thumb when she wasn’t on duty. Even the bags slung over her shoulders were pink. If it weren’t for the Kyoshi Warrior protocol, Mai was certain that her friend would have dyed her hair pink by now, too. The bright colors of her clothes stood in stark contrast against the dull, metal hulls of the ships around them, including the Kyoshi Warrior ship, which was bustling with activity.

It reminded Mai of the brilliant pink clouds that graced the Fire Nation horizon every so often. She’d never admit it out loud, but she’d miss those sunsets while she was gone.

Mai looked up at the ship and thought she spied the top of Suki’s auburn head walking across the deck. Her stomach twisted in anticipation. Ty Lee had asked her to join them on Kyoshi Island for the month after the whole Kemurikage incident had been dealt with. The warriors were doing a sort of changing of the guard in order to give Suki, Ty Lee, and the others a little bit of a break from guarding the fire lord, as well as a chance to hone some new fighting techniques to bring back to the palace.

“You look like you could use a vacation,” Ty Lee had joked while visiting the flower shop after Azula had disappeared.

Mai hadn’t argued. In fact, she’d been thinking the same thing after her disastrous meeting with Kei Lo a few days prior. Now here her friend was, offering her an opportunity to leave? She wasn’t one to believe in signs from the universe, but this one seemed a little too loud to ignore.

(Again, if she’d been someone, like, say, her friend Ty Lee, she would’ve cartwheeled all the way home and started immediately throwing things into a bag. Instead, all she’d said was “Sure.” Ty Lee had squealed and hugged her neck so tightly that Mai was certain that any kind of answer to her statement would have resulted in the same reaction. She really had to do something about all of this unnecessary physical contact.)

And although the prospect of leaving with the two warriors she trusted more than anyone to ensure Zuko’s safety made her a little nervous, she knew that if she didn’t get out of here soon, someone would end up pinned to the wall. Or worse.

“I just want you girls to be safe,” Michi was saying. “You know how I worry these days. Especially after the week we’ve had.”

“You’re safe now, I promise,” Mai said, but even she thought the words weren’t convincing enough. Who knew what would happen with Azula on the loose...but she couldn’t think about that now.

Ty Lee looped her arm through Mai’s.

“And considering Zuko or Kei Lo won’t be around, I don’t think you’ll have too much to worry about, Michi,” Ty Lee joked. “But I’ll keep my eye on her.”

Mai jabbed Ty Lee in the ribs.

“Ow! What was that for?!”

Mai had hoped her mother wouldn’t pick up on any of that before she left. She hadn’t even told her mother about Kei Lo’s visit; in fact, she’d sworn her aunt to secrecy and told her that she’d tell Michi in time. Instead, she’d packed a bag and was now standing here. Who said you can’t outrun your problems?

Michi looked between the two girls for a moment. Her face softened in understanding as she locked eyes with Mai, who quickly zeroed in on Tom-Tom. She ruffled his hair.

“Bye, kid,” she said, pinching his cheek lightly.

“Mai come home?”

Before she could stop herself, she remembered Zuko’s words to her just hours ago.

_“I wish you’d come home, Mai.”_

Her heart did that annoying, stuttery thing it did whenever she thought about Zuko, but she pushed it down the same way she pushed down the guilt, trying to lock the box tighter. She didn’t want to think about any of that conversation while she was on “vacation” as much as she wanted to think about Azula. At least Azula would do her the courtesy of putting her out of her misery.

She smiled at Tom-Tom.

“Of course I’ll come home, kid. I couldn’t leave you behind.”

Suki’s head appeared above them. She waved when she spotted the group below.

“Ty Lee! Mai!” she shouted. “Ready to go?”

“Yup!” Ty Lee grinned. While she embraced Michi and Tom-Tom, Mai hurried up the ramp and onto the ship. All of the standing around was getting rather boring, anyway.

Suki patted Mai on the shoulder when she boarded the massive vessel.

"Glad you’re coming with us,” she said, winking at the girl. “Although, I told Ty Lee that the only way you could stay on Kyoshi was if you gave everyone a knife-throwing lesson.”

“Is that so?” Mai said, raising an eyebrow at her friend. “She didn’t mention that to me.”

“I was going to tell you sooner or later,” Ty Lee said with a shrug. “I just knew I had to get you out of that flower shop before you made all of the plants wilt.”

“Ha-ha.”

Mai looked out at the docks and was surprised to find her mother and Tom-Tom still standing there. She figured they’d be headed back to Aunt Mura’s shop for lunch.

The ship lurched beneath her as it pulled away from the mainland, and Mai’s heart sank just a little bit. She’d miss the two of them while she was gone. Still, she needed to get out.

Lately, home had felt almost as suffocating as Omashu had once felt, and that wasn’t good for anyone, least of all her. However, having her hometown be where she felt most out of place was a new feeling that was hard to pinpoint. Sure, things may have been boring before but she never felt like she was out of sync with everyone around her at all times.

Maybe it was because she’d been back for too long or because she was no longer the person she’d been when the war ended. Whatever the reason, it was something she hoped wouldn’t last when she returned.

The hint of a smile graced her lips as she watched Tom-Tom blow kisses at her with his chubby wrists. You’d never guess that just last week the poor kid had been kidnapped by humans posing as dangerous spirits. Oh, to be a toddler with no shattered heart or complicated emotions to deal with. Mai envied him now more than ever.

The ship continued to chug along, the caldera becoming smaller and smaller. Michi waved one last time to her daughter.

“You can’t outrun yourself forever,” Ty Lee had once said to her.

“But I can try,” Mai muttered to herself.

It wasn’t until everything was just a smudge on the horizon that Mai returned her mother’s wave, then went to find her friends.

* * *

“You’ll never find me, Zu Zu!” Kiyi cried, racing out of the throne room as fast as her little legs could carry her. “Start counting!”

She disappeared around the ornate doors, but before Zuko had a chance to start counting down, her head popped back into view.

“And NO peeking!”

“Fine,” Zuko said, making a dramatic display of turning around so that he couldn’t see where she ran off to. “Ten, nine, eight…”

As he continued to count backward, his mind wandered to the Fire Nation docks, where he was certain Mai had already boarded a now-departed ship to Kyoshi Island. He couldn’t stop thinking about her as he wandered the halls of the palace in search of Kiyi, either. It was like she was everywhere and nowhere at once, disappearing elusively around corners just as his half sister had moments ago.

Only this was a game Zuko knew he couldn’t win.

He drifted through the corridors, poking his head in various rooms as he went. Kiyi, in all her headstrong confidence, was not actually very good at hide and seek. All Zuko had to do was enter a room and loudly ask where she was. Her infectious giggles usually gave her away before he could finish his sentence.

A rustling in his office stopped him in his tracks.

_Gotcha._

“Hmm...I wonder where Kiyi could’ve run off to?” he asked, stepping quietly into the room. But instead of the hushed laughter that usually accompanied his question, he was met with silence.

That’s odd, he thought, she’s usually never quiet for this long.

Ever since the Kemurikage incident seemed to be wrapped up, the palace halls had been uncomfortably quiet and dull, so he figured he shouldn’t be surprised. (Although it was a little too quiet if you asked Zuko, hence the games of hide and seek he used as a desperate distraction as opposed to wallowing in his office.)

He knew he should be grateful for the peace that was finally smiling upon him and his family, but if there was one thing Zuko knew about moments of peace, it was that they usually turned out to be some kind of cruel illusion that only beget more spectacle and tragedy.

At least, that’s the way it had worked out for him so far.

“Huh,” he called out again in an exaggerated tone, “I could’ve sworn Kiyi was in here.”

He stood still, waiting for the inevitable tittering that would give away Kiyi’s precious hiding spot, but it never came.

So, Kiyi had upped her game. Fine by him. He tiptoed backward out of his office before running behind the nearest pillar. If he knew his half sister as well as he thought he did, she’d eventually get bored hiding in there and try to trick him up by switching her hiding spot, but he’d be one step ahead of her.

It’s what he used to do every so often when he got roped into playing the game with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee when they were younger.

_Mai…_

Zuko couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the countless times they’d played together. He and Mai would usually end up running into one another and help the other find what they thought was the perfect hiding spot. He would always show Mai the best nooks and crannies that would conceal her from his sister the longest, and in turn, she actually showed him the strategy of moving around the palace to throw Azula off.

It never worked of course, but even as children she’d been brilliant at deceiving Azula. The thought made him grin before he remembered the pained look on her face yesterday when she told him she was leaving. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the rest of their conversation played back in his head.

Whatever chance he thought he had of winning Mai back disappeared the second he asked her if they could speak privately. He should’ve just let her drop off Tom-Tom for his playdate with Kiyi and wished her well on her travels. In fact, he shouldn’t have said anything to her at all. Instead, he should’ve just merely waved at her from across the room and then gone and watched his uncle play Pai Sho with his mother but no, he’d had to go and open his big mouth.

“Stupid,” he muttered.

“What’s stupid?”

He whirled around to find his mother staring at him curiously.

“N-nothing,” he said, feeling the familiar warmth of a blush rushing to his cheeks. She’d snuck up on him rather well. “I was just thinking about the budget meeting we had this morning.”

“Ah,” Ursa nodded, “from what I remember those are pretty terrible. Well, I came to find you because we were going to take lunch in the courtyard with Iroh. Would you like to join us?”

“Sure,” he said. He cast a quick glance behind him at his office. “Give me just a second. I’m trying to catch Kiyi hiding in my office.”

Ursa gave him another curious look.

“What do you mean? Kiyi’s with Noren. He found her in our bedroom. They’re already out in the courtyard.”

Zuko’s heart dropped. “Then who—?”

Ursa gasped, her eyes going wide. She pointed behind Zuko, who turned in time to see a gawky figure clad in black running down the hall in the opposite direction.

He didn’t stop to think. He took off after the figure as fast as he could.

“Stop!” he roared, plumes of fire streaming from his fists. As he drew closer, he could see some parcel tucked under the intruder’s arm, but couldn’t quite make out what it was. He rounded the corner at the end of the hall and kept running, his blood pumping hot and fast in his ears as he gained on the mysterious figure.

Another fire blast from his fist was enough to trip them up, but just barely. They tripped over their feet and quickly regained their balance, plowing ahead down the hall. They glanced back at Zuko and then ducked into the doorway leading out to the nearest balcony.

Zuko smirked. There was nowhere for this person to go now. He burst through the curtain to find the figure standing on the balcony railing, facing him. Now that he was closer, he could see the golden eyes of the figure peeking through their black uniform. They narrowed determinedly as Zuko stepped closer and pressed whatever they’d stolen from his office to their chest.

“Put the parcel down and we can talk about this like adults,” Zuko said.

Before he could take another step, the figure closed their eyes and dropped backwards off the railing, tumbling through the air with the effortless grace of an airbender.

“NO!”

What had just happened?!

Zuko gripped the railing and hoisted himself up to get a better view of the figure he was certain would be splayed out messily in the courtyard below, but they had vanished.

Everything was still and calm, as if he’d imagined the whole thing.

He stalked backed through the halls in search of his mother and team of advisors. After all, someone had to tell them a thief dressed like some kind of potential assassin had snuck into the palace unnoticed. It might as well be the Firelord.

“I should’ve known,” he grumbled to himself, righting the golden headpiece in his topknot. “I’ll never catch a break.”

* * *

_“Kei Lo, wait. Please, let me explain.”_

_“You don’t have to. It’s written all over your face.”_

_“I don’t—”_

_“Oh, please, Mai. At least do me a favor and don’t lie to me. You still love him, don’t you?”_

Mai sighed and opened her eyes to find the dim, gray light of morning filtering into her cabin. After a day or so at sea, today was the day they would finally arrive at the island and she couldn’t be happier. Last night the ship had sloshed across the waves so much she’d had to force her dinner to stay in her stomach. She’d opted to skip breakfast this morning in order to keep sleeping; she figured the less she had in her stomach now the less likely she would vomit everywhere when they arrived at Kyoshi.

She climbed to the deck to find Ty Lee, Suki, and the others milling about and preparing for their arrival.

“There you are Mai!” Ty Lee chirped, crossing the deck to her friend. “I was just about to come wake you. How did you sleep?”

Mai made a face and just shook her head, unable to form words. She was afraid if she started talking she wouldn’t be able to keep anything down.

“You don’t look so good,” Ty Lee whispered. She tugged on Mai’s hand. “Here, come with me. There’s some anti-nausea tea somewhere around here.”

“Stop walking so fast,” Mai pleaded, biting back the bile that sat in her throat. “Or I really will throw up.”

Ty Lee motioned to a small wooden stool that was a ways away from the other Kyoshi Warriors.

“Sit.”

Mai didn’t argue. She shakily lowered herself onto the seat and folded in half, trying to breathe slowly through her nose. A few moments later, a pleasant, calming scent wafted toward her. She opened her eyes to find Ty Lee cross legged on the floor in front of her, offering her a steaming cup.

“Be sure to take small sips,” Ty Lee said.

Mai sipped the tea in slow, drawn out sips as instructed. She could already feel her stomach settling after a few mouthfuls.

“Thank you, by the way,” she said. “For the tea and for inviting me. I really would’ve gone crazy if I’d stayed.”

Ty Lee nodded, her braid dancing behind her. “Of course, silly! Why do you think I asked you? Everyone knows I’m the more perceptive friend. Your aura has been fluctuating like crazy these last few days. I probably single handedly prevented some poor nobleman’s demise.”

Mai rasped out a laugh. She couldn’t argue there.

“Besides, what better way to help mend a broken heart than some quality girl time?”

“And knife throwing.”

“Yep. Can’t forget about the knife throwing.”

Mai downed the rest of her tea in silence. Ty Lee positioned herself so that she was sitting next to her friend where they both could watch the docks of Kyoshi grow larger and larger. The peninsula was a welcome sight compared to the endless expanse of ocean they’d roiled over all night long. She couldn’t wait to have both feet firmly on ground that wasn’t Fire Nation soil.

“I think you’ll really like Kyoshi, Mai,” Ty Lee piped up after a moment. She never did do well with the long, drawn out silences that Mai found so comforting. “It’s so different from the Fire Nation. There’s not a lot of hierarchy and people aren’t so stuffy. It’ll be a breath of fresh air.”

Mai laid her head back, closed her eyes, and sighed.

“I sure hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Not a ton of Maiko in this first chapter, I know, but be patient...it will all pay off in the end!


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Here's chapter two. This one definitely got away from me, but I'm excited with how it turned out. Excited for you all to read it! I hope to not have such a long gap between these next two chapters, so I will try to update sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading!:)

Kyoshi Island may not have smelled like fish, but it definitely smelled like a scheme. A dazzling, cotton candy pink Ty Lee scheme to be exact. Mai wasn’t sure how she hadn’t realized it before...luring her away from her comfortably boring job and Tom-Tom onto a secluded island, then inviting the _Avatar_ to guide the warrior group in “meditations for a few days” so she could finally get Mai to talk about her feelings. 

Ty Lee had this ridiculous notion that meditating on what was bothering you allowed you to process it better. They’d been on Kyoshi for about three days, and she’d been trying to get Mai to join her and the other warriors in their sunrise sessions every morning to no avail. 

(“Pleaseeeee, Mai? Just this once!” she’d beg. Mai told her she was crazy if she thought she was getting her out of bed before the sun while she was on vacation.) 

Mai had to admit it was pretty smart of her to call in reinforcements...but it still wasn’t going to work. 

After all, Mai had written the textbook on stone cold expressions. She wasn’t about to give Ty Lee the satisfaction of seeing it waver when Aang and Sokka strolled into the warriors’ training session unannounced. She didn’t squeal or rush up to the two boys like her friend did, throwing her arms tightly around both of their necks in her signature greeting style. And she _definitely_ ignored the look that Ty Lee shared with Suki when Aang said, “We were just flying over on Appa and thought we’d pop in. I’ve been promising Suki I’d meditate with the Kyoshi Warriors for ages.” 

She would’ve been more hurt if she wasn’t so furious underneath her mask of casual indifference. Mad? No, she wasn’t mad. On the outside she was aloof, calm, the pinnacle of chill; on the inside, she was mentally ripping Ty Lee’s wardrobe to shreds with her stilettos. 

“Been a minute, huh Avatar?” Mai said, trying to discern anything that would give the monk away like the emotional traitor he was. 

“Mai!” he said in his usual cheery voice, his gray eyes lighting up like she was the person he was most excited to see. (Which, knowing him, she probably was.) “Good to see you.” 

_This kid is good,_ Mai thought. _Now if only he doesn’t ask about--_

“How’s Kei Lo?” 

“Fine.” 

The lie fit so smoothly between her teeth she almost believed it. Aang smiled and held her gaze a little too long for Mai’s taste and she was suddenly gripped with a fierce paranoia. Did he know she was lying? Had he somehow spoken to Zuko before he arrived? What had Zuko told him? 

“Bet you didn’t think you’d also be getting a lesson in the ways of the Air Nomads while you were here, hm?” Aang said. Ty Lee, Sokka, and Suki joined the two of them. Mai was vaguely aware of Sokka saying something about how hungry he was and Suki promising him that they would break for lunch soon. “Have you ever meditated before?” 

“Can’t say that I have,” Mai said. She locked eyes with Ty Lee, who was looking at her earnestly. “And I don’t plan to start now.” 

\--

“Are you done being stubborn yet?” 

Mai bit down one of her infamous sighs at the sound of Ty Lee’s voice. She’d been so certain that no one had seen her leave lunch early. She’d snuck into the empty training building to throw some knives around in peace. How was she supposed to achieve peace if no one would leave her alone? 

“I’m not being stubborn,” Mai said coolly as she released a throwing star. It made a satisfying _thwack_ against the bullseye on the other side of the room. “You’re being unreasonable.” 

“I had to be unreasonable,” her friend said. She moved directly into Mai’s path, hands akimbo. “You refuse to talk to anybody about what’s going on with you. I would’ve left you at home if I thought you were just going to sulk around the island all day.” 

Mai’s eyes narrowed. “I am _not_ sulking _.”_

The look Ty Lee gave her said otherwise. 

“C’mon, Mai,” she said, softening her approach. “You know you can always talk to me. Especially about Zuko.” 

Mai didn’t know why such a simple statement grated on her nerves the way it did. She knew that if she told Ty Lee about what had happened with Zuko before they’d left that she would be a good friend and listen to the complicated mess that was her love life. There would be no judgements, no scoffing, none of Azula’s cruel laughter. She knew it, she did. 

But there was always a voice in the back of her mind that told her it was easier to withdraw into herself, to put the walls up. _Do not let anyone in,_ it said very matter-of-factly, _you remember what happened last time. And the time before that._

_Yeah, but this is Ty Lee,_ she wanted to tell that voice. _She kind of put her life on the line for me. Literally._

“I just need time,” was all she said.

“That’s what you told me the day I came to see you in the flower shop,” Ty Lee said. “At some point you’re going to have to confront your feelings rather than pushing everything and everyone away.” 

Mai’s hands curled into fists. Before she could stop herself, she chucked another throwing star at her target. It zipped right by Ty Lee’s head, causing her to yelp in surprise. Another gratifying _twhack_ told her she’d hit her mark once again. 

“Why can’t you just let me work through things my way, instead of trying to fix it for me?” 

The look of shock on Ty Lee’s face should have made her feel more wretched than it actually did, but her anger was too righteous. Perhaps she and Zuko had more in common than she thought. 

“You’re mad at me because I’m trying to help you?” came Ty Lee’s indignant response after a moment.  
  
“Is that what you’re calling getting the Avatar involved in my business? Some help.” 

How could someone who claimed to be her friend pull such a trick, no matter how well-intentioned? Why couldn’t she just get away with never talking about her feelings until thinking about Zuko didn’t hurt so much anymore? Was it too much to ask?! 

She turned on her heel and stormed out of the building, peace and throwing stars now forgotten. 

“Mai--!” 

“Just leave me alone!” 

* * *

Zuko glanced at the gilded clock on the wall opposite him and resisted the urge to flip the meeting table he sat at with a few of his advisors. They’d been at it for hours and there was no end in sight. Finalizing new security routes in order to keep a better eye on Zuko’s office and creating a small task force to figure out where the thief had come from could only be exciting for so long. 

At this point, a part of Zuko didn’t care if the thief snuck back into the palace and stole everything out of the newly stocked armory. If this person managed to get past the dozen new guards and steal over a thousand weapons, then more power to them. 

“My lord?” the voice of his advisor, Jiro, broke him out of his thoughts. 

“Yes?” 

Jiro cleared his throat. He must’ve already asked Zuko an important question. Oops. 

“I said, do you think that additional security detail is necessary for your coronation anniversary celebration in two weeks’ time?” 

“Oh,” Zuko said. “That…” 

In all honesty, he’d completely forgotten about the ridiculous celebration. And given the current circumstances, he could think of about a hundred other things he’d rather be doing than listen to his advisors bloviate about all that he’d accomplished that year. If Mai wasn’t there to whisper dour, snarky remarks in his ear about each of the stuffy partygoers, what was the point? She was the only reason he got through any royal event since his coronation almost two years ago. 

He chuckled softly to himself as he remembered last year’s festivities, when Jiro’s assistant, Sho, had asked if she’d like to say a few words in Zuko’s honor. 

“Oh, I’m definitely not drunk enough for that,” she’d replied quickly, tipping her head back and downing her entire glass of plum wine in one gulp. “But ask me again later and see how I’m feeling.” 

Toph had been standing with them and couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the evening. (“No offense, Zuko, but Mai is officially my new favorite person in the Fire Nation.”) Poor Sho, thinking Mai was serious, kept coming up to her throughout the evening to see if she was ready to speak. 

After the second time, Toph dared Mai to drink a full glass of wine each time he came around. Needless to say, he and Mai left the party an hour and a half early, with Zuko having to assist Mai through the palace halls so she wouldn’t trip and fall. 

He’d snuck her through the corridors and into his bedchamber, where she’d immediately climbed into his bed. Zuko remembered thinking how comically small she looked against the enormous pillows. 

He’d rushed to the bathroom to grab his drunk girlfriend a large glass of water, who had already started to drift off when he returned. 

“Not so fast,” he’d said, helping Mai sit up and thrusting the glass of water into her hands. “You can thank me in the morning.” 

“Fine,” she’d grumbled. “Do you think Toph realized how drunk I was?” 

“Nope,” Zuko said, although Toph had been the one to stop Mai from pitching forward once or twice. He figured it was best to leave that little detail out for now. 

He slowly started removing the pins from Mai’s elaborate hairdo, quietly marveling at how her jet black tresses tumbled down slowly. If she noticed him staring, she didn’t let on. When she’d finally finished her glass of water, she nestled back against Zuko’s plethora of silken pillows. 

“Good night, Mai,” Zuko said, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead. Mai merely grunted in response. 

Zuko stood and pulled the blankets tightly around her. 

“Do you want to know what I would’ve said?” Mai said, startling him. Her words were already thick and slurred with sleep. “If I’d gotten the chance to speak?” 

“What’s that?” 

“That none of them deserve you. Your advisors, the other Fire Nation gentry. Not a single person at that party deserves what you give them. Wish I could’ve seen their faces. It would’ve been priceless.” 

It was an oddly vulnerable thing to come out of his girlfriend’s mouth, which he knew made it all the more true. He felt himself blush and knew Mai would be teasing him about it if she’d been looking at him. He’d been on the throne for a year and felt like he was drowning. Each day had proven harder than the last, and he didn’t know how long he’d be able to keep his head above the churning waves. 

Dissolving the Fire Nation presence in the Earth Kingdom colonies was proving to be a mounting disaster despite the Avatar’s assistance, the new budget would have to be reapproved for the fourth time, and then there was the haunting presence of his father and sister that he couldn’t seem to outrun no matter how hard he tried. It was jarring to hear one of the people he cared about most in the world say something with such confidence when he felt so lost. Did she really believe in him that much? 

“I know this year hasn’t been easy,” Mai said. “But you give so much of yourself away. I love you too much to let them take any sort of credit.” 

Remembering her words made Zuko wince. A few weeks later, he would sneak into Ozai’s cell and beg him for help. He wished he could take it all back. Instead of kissing Mai one last time and letting her sleep, he would’ve crawled into bed and listened to her drunken, brutally honest ramblings until the sun came up if it meant not losing her. 

“Are you alright, your highness?” Jiro asked. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” Zuko said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was really going to have to figure out a better way to stay focused during these meetings. “What were we discussing?” 

Jiro shuffled a few papers around in front of him and gave Zuko an understanding look. At least one of his advisors knew when it was time to call it quits. 

“We can discuss the coronation ceremony another time,” he said. “The last topic of business was simply an update on the investigation into what the thief stole from the palace. I do not have any news to report. Do you, Firelord Zuko?” 

Zuko shook his head. “I’m still searching my office, but haven’t been able to find what was taken either. Whatever it was, it wasn’t accidental. It’s been almost three days and there’s not been any suspicious activity in the capital...but it has to be a part of some sort of plot. Why go through all that trouble to steal something you could easily find outside the palace?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine, sir.” Jiro said politely. “We’ll reconvene tomorrow. Meeting adjourned.” 

Zuko skulked back to his bedchamber, unceremoniously throwing himself onto the duvet the minute he knew he was alone. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Was it normal to feel this exhausted all the time? It would be a while until dinner was served. Perhaps he could get away with just a few moments of rest. 

He rolled over, half expecting to see Mai there beside him. That had to have been the most painful part of their breakup, he was realizing: knowing that she wouldn’t be nearby, but still expecting her to be and ending up disappointed every time. 

As he drifted off, he couldn’t help but think of the girl whose absence could be felt wherever he went. Zuko hoped whatever Mai was doing, she was having a better time than him. 

***

They’d cornered Mai at breakfast, descending like buzzard wasps who’ve been starving in the desert for weeks. Aang’s meditation was to happen on a full stomach, at Sokka’s insistence, so when Mai had felt the meal coming to a close, she tried to put seventeen years’ worth of sneaking away unseen to good use, but they’d been ready for her. (She fully blamed Ty Lee for tipping them off, too.) 

“Oh no you don’t,” Suki said, grabbing Mai by the arm when she caught the other girl trying to escape. Another Kyoshi Warrior (whose name Mai could never remember) grabbed her other arm and immediately began whisking her away toward the main training building in the middle of town. “All the warriors have to participate.” 

“Did you forget the part where I’m not actually a Kyoshi Warrior?” Mai replied. 

“Consider yourself an honorary one while you’re here,” Suki said. 

“I’d rather not.” 

Mai knew when defeat was staring her right in the face. She may not have been able to get out of the meditation session, but that didn’t mean she had to _enjoy_ it. True to fashion, she shoved herself into the farthest corner of the room, putting as much distance between her and the others as she could and ignoring the twinge of guilt she felt as she walked by Ty Lee, who lacked her usual upbeat energy. 

All of the Kyoshi Warriors perked up as soon as Aang walked in and took his place at the front of the room. Ty Lee must’ve really been rubbing off on her, because Mai could instantly sense the entire energy of the room change. It seemed calmer, safer somehow. 

“Thanks for joining me this morning, everyone,” Aang said, flashing a small smile. “Meditation is an important part of the Air Nomad culture, and I’m excited to share it with you. I hope after this your mind will feel clearer and your spirit lighter. Let’s begin.” 

Mai watched as everyone closed their eyes, imitating the Avatar’s position at the front of the room. 

“As warriors, it’s important to always have a clear, focused mind. Being thrown off at a crucial moment could have severe consequences. So let’s practice merely observing our thoughts. Be aware of them, notice what you dwell on.” 

A charged, heavy silence began to settle over the group. 

“Think back to a time you did something you regret,” Aang said after a moment. “You might feel a variety of emotions. Don’t repress anything.” 

Mai, eyes still open, could feel the room growing warmer by the minute. If she closed her eyes, she could still see Zuko’s face and the wall of the throne room fire that illuminated his features. He looked tired, then furious, then scared, as Mai turned her back on him. 

_“Goodbye, Firelord.”_

_“I ORDER YOU TO COME BACK!”_

It wasn’t that she regretted breaking up with Zuko, per se, but she did regret the look in his eyes when he realized that she was serious, that she _wouldn’t_ be coming back. He’d looked like a hurt, wounded child, and she’d played the moment over and over again in her head for weeks afterward. 

_But what about me, Zuko?,_ she had wanted to scream. _Aren’t I hurt and wounded, too? How can you keep shutting me out like this?!_

She knew she wasn’t the most open person in the world, but she and Zuko had worked past that. (Or so she’d thought.) She still remembered the hurt and confusion that had cut through her when Suki had told her Zuko was secretly meeting with Ozai. 

They had opened up to one another, bared their souls, and he felt the need to hide something so monumental from her? So, she’d done the one thing she knew how to do: put the walls back up like they’d never come down and walk away...except it wasn't working out too well for her, was it? 

“If you find yourself coming back to the same thing, notice that. In order to achieve clarity, some things have to be confronted,” Aang continued. “For now, still observe. Become aware of your past, even if it’s complicated.”

_“When did this all become so complicated?”,_ came Zuko’s voice in her head. 

Suddenly, she was back in the palace the day after Azula and the other Kemurikage had disappeared. Mai was dropping Tom-Tom off for a playdate with Kiyi and trying to forget the humiliating breakup she’d had with Kei Lo. 

She had planned to just drop her brother off outside of the play room one of the servants was leading her to. She didn’t want to linger in the palace, but Zuko had been waiting in the room with Kiyi when they arrived. 

_My lucky day,_ Mai thought. 

She deposited her brother on the floor, watching him run straight for Kiyi. The two immediately started giggling and playing together, caught up in the simplicity of childhood. 

“They make it look so easy, don’t they?” Zuko said. It should have felt more awkward talking to him, given their relationship status, but to Mai it felt normal when he occupied the spot next to her. It felt so natural, so easy. She loved and hated it. 

She nodded in agreement, smiling at the scene in front of her. 

“When did this all become so complicated?” 

“Hm?” 

She turned to find Zuko staring at her. His golden eyes sometimes had a way of looking straight through her. She suddenly felt naked, defenseless. 

“You know,” he gestured broadly, “all this.” 

“Oh. Yeah.” Mai said. She thought of Kei Lo’s face when he’d said, _“You still love him, don’t you?”_

Complicated indeed. 

They stood close like that for a few more moments, watching their siblings play with the various blocks and toys strewn about the room. 

“Well,” Mai said, “I'd better go--” 

“Actually, could we talk for a second? Out in the hall?” 

_Oh, no._

She should’ve said no, should’ve just insisted on leaving. It’s like Mai knew exactly where the conversation was headed but she couldn’t stop herself. Just like the trolley in Ba Sing Se going too fast down the tracks, it was bound to derail at some point. 

Mai followed Zuko out into the empty hall, where he instantly began pacing. He started to say something a few times before thinking against it. 

Mai rolled her eyes. “Just spit it out, Zuko.” 

“I’m sorry about the other night.”

“What?” 

“In the catacombs. I shouldn’t have put all of that on you. I’m sorry.” 

He kept pacing, both hands sitting atop his head like he’d just sprinted through the palace. 

“Okay?” 

“Okay?!” he whirled around to face Mai, eyes ablaze. “That’s all you have to say...okay?!” 

“Don’t do this right now, Zuko,” Mai said, folding her arms around herself. She did not have the emotional capacity for the amount of vulnerable declarations lobbed at her over the last few days. “I’m not in the mood, alright?” 

Zuko stepped closer. He softened, trying to meet Mai’s gaze, which she stubbornly kept on the red carpet beneath her feet. 

“Is everything okay?” 

She shook her head, still not meeting Zuko’s face. The wound was still a little too fresh for her to be spilling her guts out to her ex-boyfriend. She was so caught up in replaying her and Kei Lo’s breakup that she didn’t realize Zuko was still moving closer until there wasn’t any room left between them. 

“You’re so far away these days,” he said, gently taking her hands in his. “I wish you’d come home, Mai.” 

She stared at their intertwined hands, marveling at how they still fit together so easily. She’d told Zuko in the catacombs that she would never let herself get hurt again, and she thought she’d believed it. But the moment Zuko’s hand had unconsciously slipped into hers the day of the riot, she knew. She would let herself get hurt over and over and over again. Zuko just had to say the word. 

He brought one of his hands up to her face, cupping her cheek warmly. She involuntarily leaned into it. 

“I really messed things up, didn’t I?” he said quietly. “I’d take it all back if I could.” 

“Me too,” Mai rasped. Standing here with him felt like they were the only two people left in the Fire Nation. If the palace suddenly caught fire or was destroyed, she was sure she and Zuko would be the last living things standing amongst the rubble. “I’m not blameless, either.” 

“Then why don’t we?”

“Because…” 

Because...why? It wasn’t like Mai’s reputation mattered all that much to her, not since the Boiling Rock. It wasn’t the whispers or stares that would bother her, either. So, why not? Why couldn’t she do it? 

“Yes?” Zuko said. 

She still wasn’t sure why she ran. Maybe because it’s always the easiest choice in the moment. Run and don’t look back until you’re far away, and even then, keep running. 

“Because I’m leaving,” she said. She watched the shock register on Zuko’s face. “For a while. With Ty Lee.” 

“You’re going to Kyoshi Island?” he said in disbelief. 

Mai nodded. “I just need time.” 

She thought of those tall, beautiful vases that her parents used to decorate their home with before her family’s fall from grace. She’d broken one once after she’d run into the table it sat on, and she remembered the cold panic that shot through her as she watched it sail through the air and shatter into a million pieces. 

She imagined herself as one of those vases, teetering precariously on the edge of the table, the cracks evident on every surface the moment it touched the floor. She dreaded the day she would inevitably break open and the rush of warm emotion that would come with it, but she’d tried to keep it inside for too long. 

And for what? It was obvious to everyone. Ty Lee knew and so did her aunt. Hell, even _Kei Lo_ had figured her out in a matter of days. She was still desperately in love with Zuko, and she was a fool if she had ever thought for a second that she could try and bury her feelings for him. It wasn’t a matter of time but of admission, and she knew it. And admitting it made it real. 

Mai was suddenly aware of a horrible, raspy heaving sound coming from somewhere in the room. She thought it would stop after a second, but the noise (which sounded an awful lot like a strangled baby ostrich horse) continued. Where was it coming from, she wondered, and why couldn’t they quiet down so the group could quickly finish up the meditation? She opened her eyes to find nearly all the other eighteen pairs peering back at her curiously. 

Did she have something on her face? Why was everyone staring--? Oh. 

_Oh._

She had been so caught up in listening to the Avatar that she hadn’t noticed herself slipping into a meditative state. Without realizing it, her breathing had become shallow and her shoulders were trembling. She touched her cheeks to find that they were wet with fresh tears, and an unfamiliar tightness in her chest had her gulping in air as she sobbed in front of the entire room. 

_This can’t be happening,_ she told herself, _this is NOT happening right now. Not in front of all of these people._

She stood, pushing herself as fast as she could through the room and bursting outside. 

_Go,_ her brain told her, _start running._

So she did. She ran through Kyoshi as the tears kept falling, clouding her vision. Her lungs and legs burned but she kept going, forcing herself to ignore the pain. 

“Mai!” Ty Lee’s voice called out. “Mai, stop!” 

Mai felt herself slowing down as it became harder to force air into her lungs between all of the running and crying. Ty Lee caught up with her easily, cutting her off in the town square underneath the statue of Kyoshi. 

“I’m sorry, okay?!” she said. “It was my idea to invite Aang here, but he had no idea why we asked him to mediate with us. It was stupid, I shouldn’t have done it. I just wanted you to talk to me. But you have to stop running. Please.” 

Another round of fresh tears spilled from Mai’s eyes as she looked at her friend head-on, taking her advice. 

“I love him,” she managed to choke out. “Zuko. I still love him.” 

She thought she’d feel as shattered and broken as those vases after her confession, but she felt oddly whole the second the words fell out of her mouth. 

Ty Lee’s shoulders dropped, her face contorting in understanding. 

“Oh, Mai,” she said, closing the distance between them. She enveloped her friend in a fierce hug, which Mai returned with equal ferocity. “I know. It’s okay. It's going to be okay.” 

They stood like that for a long time, the former Avatar watching them from above until the sun wreathed her head like a halo. 

***

The Fire Nation market was abuzz with word of the thief who’d stolen into the palace and mysteriously disappeared. Everyone who walked through the square was obsessed, mystified. From sun up to sun down, nearly every vendor in the Fire Nation was privy to bits and pieces of half-baked ideas about what had transpired. 

Anyone and everyone had their beliefs about what the thief had stolen and where they’d escaped to. They shared their theories and countless rumors while rummaging around for mangoes and bags of lychee nuts. 

Citizens made slow circles around the square, lingering the longest at the lonely-looking cherry stand that was positioned just by the exit of the market. They were all so engrossed in the juicy details that no one noticed the cherry vendor who was seemingly hanging on to every word she heard. 

“My uncle works in the palace and he said that whoever it was stole almost all of the gold from the palace’s vault,” a young woman was saying to her friend. “I think the advisors are stalling because they don’t want all of us panicking that the firelord’s lost so much money.” 

“How ridiculous,” the cherry vendor muttered under her breath, although the other girls didn’t seem to hear. 

“Really?” the girl’s friend said. “My brother knows one of the cooks and they said that they saw an entire squadron escaping from the palace. The other kitchen staff says he’s crazy, but he swears he saw them running through the halls straight for the armory.” 

_Oh, please,_ the cherry vendor thought, rolling her eyes. 

People really would believe anything, wouldn’t they? The hardest thing about hiding in plain sight was listening to these absurd ramblings that grew more asinine by the hour. What she really wanted to do was grab both women by the arm and scream, “IT WAS ME, OKAY? I DID IT AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF STEALING SOMETHING AS SILLY AS WEAPONS OR GOLD.” 

If she didn’t hate the firelord so much, she’d insist that she deserved a medal of valor for such an admirable performance. She took the women’s money and bid them a good evening before closing her cart down for the day. 

She rolled the rickety contraption noisily through the narrow streets. Dusk in this part of town was always her favorite time of day. As she walked, she peered into the homes and shops that were also closing down. Sometimes she liked to weave stories about the people who lived in them, many of which were now sitting down to dinner with their families. 

It pained her to think of how ineffective Firelord Zuko was, sitting so out of touch on his royal throne in the highest tower of that revolting palace. Because of him, she would never be able to sit down to a family dinner ever again. 

Her venerable father, the only person she had in this life, had tried to speak up and take back the Fire Nation that she’d loved as a girl. But then the firelord had silenced him and the rest of the New Ozai Society, leaving her abandoned in her childhood home. She’d never been more lonely and desperate than she’d felt in the last few weeks. It wasn’t until she’d been at her lowest moment that she decided she was going to do something about it. Phase one had been perfectly successful, and she’d ridden the high from executing the perfect escape from the palace for days. Her father would’ve been so proud. 

She passed the neighborhood flower shop, waving at the little boy (the owner’s nephew, she thought) who had his lips pressed against the glass. He grinned when he saw her and waved, leaving a delightful trail of drool on the window. She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up and she returned the boy’s wave gladly. 

The interaction left her momentarily buoyant, and she floated the rest of the way home with her cherry cart. It wasn’t until she arrived home that it all came crashing down. 

The house was always dark these days, and a fine layer of dust had settled over all of the furniture. The food in the ice box was most likely rotten, although she had neither the will nor desire to check. She lit a candle and brought it over to the kitchen table, which was strewn with blueprints and notes, including one from her father the night he was arrested:

_Hiromi,_

_Going out to fight for you, like always. I’ll be back before dawn._

_-Father_

It was always hard to stop the tears when she read the note, although what had started out as tears of sadness had become tears of fury and determination. 

“Don’t worry, father,” Hiromi whispered aloud, wiping the tears away. She grabbed the parcel she’d stolen from the palace from its hiding spot in one of the cupboards, unfurling it on the kitchen table. “This is far from over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaannddd we're back! I've noticed that my chapters are running a little long, so I've decided to do something different with the rest of the story by publishing in smaller chunks. (Mainly to give myself some more time to work on the bigger scenes--like the coronation anniversary--while still being able to balance work/adult things AND not have you all waiting so long in between updates. It's a win-win, right??) 
> 
> So, without further ado, here's Mai's return to the Fire Nation. It's not much, but I really enjoyed writing these few scenes! Hope you do too. 
> 
> xo

Iroh considered himself a patient man. After all, he’d waited six hundred days to penetrate the walls of Ba Sing Se, although that event belonged to another lifetime entirely. Still, his patience had never waned. Not then, and certainly never with his nephew now that he was the Firelord. 

Zuko had the rare fortune of no afternoon meetings, and the two of them would be taking tea together in the courtyard. Iroh was looking forward to some quality time with the boy. He’d been tied up with the investigation and tedious planning meetings regarding his coronation anniversary that was to happen the following evening, and Iroh knew just by looking at Zuko that he needed to unburden himself before a timeless tapestry went up in flames. 

Iroh shifted in his seat, peering around the corner of the meeting room antechamber only to find the ornate doors still stubbornly closed. One of the servants had visited with him a while ago to assure him Zuko’s morning meeting was coming to a close. The sentiment now fell flat, but that was fine by Iroh. The sun was high in the sky, the city glimmered before him, and an alluring summer breeze kept him content and comfortable. There was still plenty of time for tea (and, besides, he didn’t mind waiting.) 

“Right this way, please,” he heard a voice say. Another servant appeared and gestured to the same bench just outside the doors that Iroh occupied. 

“Thank you,” a familiar voice rasped. 

It had been a while since Iroh had last seen Mai. He’d kept up with the whispers of her that seemed to filter through the palace (he’d stopped asking Zuko about her after witnessing the pained expression on his face a few weeks ago), but it was clear her trip to Kyoshi Island had come to an end. 

Iroh could barely see the young woman behind the exquisite arrangement of fire lilies that she carried. She shuffled forward a few paces before setting the vase down on the floor. If she was surprised to see Iroh sitting there, her face didn’t betray it. 

“Hello, General Iroh,” she said coolly, taking the seat next to him while still keeping the customary, polite distance between the two of them. 

“Mai,” he said jovially, “you know you can just call me Iroh. Or uncle. None of this general nonsense, please.” 

The corner of her lip turned up slightly. 

“Of course.” 

Iroh smiled back at her. He knew she was addressing him as such now that she and Zuko were no longer together. The thought pained him, and he suddenly had the strange realization that this is what it must be like for his nephew now. It was always odd trying to navigate life without someone you were certain would be around forever; it was almost a different kind of grief when you still had to see that person frequently. 

“Those are very beautiful,” he said, indicating the bouquet. “Did you arrange them?” 

“Oh, no,” Mai said. “My aunt did while I was away. They’re for Firelord Zuko’s coronation anniversary.” 

“She’s a magnificent florist.” 

Mai nodded in agreement. “She is.” 

“How was your journey?” 

“It was...nice,” she said, a hint of wistfulness slipping its way into her voice. “I think I needed to get away.” 

Iroh nodded. “There’s nothing quite like coming home. Though it does feel odd returning when you’ve experienced something new and different. It makes everything seem so…” 

“Boring?” she said drily. 

“Precisely,” Iroh chuckled. 

“It’s not all bad,” Mai continued. “I missed my brother and Fire Nation food. It might be boring, but I don’t think I could stay away forever because I’d miss it too much. Isn’t that stupid?” 

“Not at all.” 

As the conversation grew stale, Iroh fought the urge to turn toward Mai in earnest and say, _“I know it wasn’t easy to walk away from Zuko. I know how much you love him. I don’t judge you. I know sometimes you have to force yourself to leave the people you love and how much it hurts.”_

He’d had a soft spot for her ever since the days after that fateful Agni Kai. He never forgot how Mai was one of Zuko’s only frequent visitors before his banishment, save for Iroh. Many Fire Nation gentry liked to count her out, saying she was too quiet, too demure (although Iroh knew they’d never use that word to describe her after witnessing her knife throwing expertise). 

But Iroh had seen her unwavering loyalty and hints of softness beneath her controlled exterior. If there was anyone who deserved a place by Zuko’s side, it was Mai. (That is, if she wanted it.) Iroh selfishly knew he did...if only they could find their way back to each other. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the slight commotion of Zuko’s meeting coming to an end. Iroh and Mai watched the crowd of advisors spill out of the room and into the hall, with Zuko himself making up the end of this funny parade, deep in conversation with Sho. 

“We’ll have several guards placed throughout the palace as well, sir, so as to not disturb the party or cause alarm,” Sho was saying. 

“That sounds fine, thank you,” Zuko said. His eyes lit up when he saw Iroh. “Hello, Uncle! Ready for tea?” 

Then, several things happened at once. Zuko and Mai both seemed to become aware of each other, and Iroh watched as his nephew’s face turned a dark shade of scarlet, his eyes widening as if he’d just seen a platypus bear waltz into the palace on its hands. 

“Mai!” he choked out. “You’re back. I--it’s good to see been. I mean, it’s good to see you. How have you been?” 

Iroh could see that the usually unflappable young woman next to him had suddenly become flustered as well. Her eyebrows had shot up and were practically obscured by her bangs. Her blush wasn’t quite as noticeable as Zuko’s, but Iroh could see the pink flush quickly creeping up her neck. 

“Hello, Firelord,” she said, her gaze lingering just a little too long on Zuko’s face. She noticed the bouquet of fire lilies and seemed to remember why she was there. She thrust them awkwardly in Zuko’s direction. “These are for you.” 

What was this? Iroh knew better than most just how awkward his darling nephew could be around women, but this was different. A few weeks ago, Zuko couldn’t even say Mai’s name without it being painful, but now the two were jumpy, like they were dancing around some unspoken thing. What had happened between the two of them? 

Zuko noticed Iroh’s quirked eyebrow and cleared his throat. 

“Thank you,” he said, reaching for the vase. “They’re lovely.” 

Mai didn’t instantly let go of the vase, and Iroh watched as Zuko’s hand brushed against hers, causing the color to rise to her cheeks. The two continued to stare at each other, blushing like fools for a stretch until Sho politely coughed. 

_All these years later and still nothing’s changed,_ Iroh thought to himself. Zuko passed the fire lilies off to Sho. 

“I’d like to display these on my table tomorrow evening,” he said. He beamed at Mai—who, Iroh was pleased to see, beamed back. “Front and center.” 

Sho nodded. “Of course, sir. But there is still the matter of extra security to finish discussing.” 

If Iroh were anyone else other than himself, he would have fired Sho on the spot for ruining such a sweet moment between the two lovebirds. He watched the same reaction flit across Zuko’s face and tried to stifle a laugh. 

“Extra security?” Mai asked. “Did something happen?” 

Sho looked to Zuko for some kind of approval, but the firelord was pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. 

“It’s not a big deal—” Zuko began, a warning note in his voice.

“Does Lady Mai not know about the attempted break in?” Sho asked. 

“Oh dear,” Iroh said. 

“The what?!” 

This time, Zuko did groan aloud. 

“See, I knew this is how you’d react!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air. “It sounds worse than it is, alright? It happened a couple weeks ago—”

“And you didn’t tell me?” 

“How was I supposed to do that? You were gone…” 

Zuko trailed off, and the reminder of her absence seemed to jostle Mai. She looked down at the ground. 

“And I couldn’t reach you,” he finished quietly. 

Iroh’s heart went out to the two as he watched the scene before him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw another servant arrive on the periphery of their conversation, no doubt to let him and Zuko know that their tea was waiting. 

He was suddenly hit by the most magnificent idea. He knew that neither Mai nor Zuko would make the next move for reconciliation, that much was clear. Whether it was out of politeness or pride, Iroh didn’t know, but he figured a little nudge in the right direction wouldn’t hurt. 

He cleared his throat and spoke. “Zuko, I just remembered a very important task I need to attend to.” 

“What is it?”

“It’s for...your mother and Kiyi,” he said. “It’s a very pressing matter regarding the celebration.”

Zuko’s face twisted in confusion. 

“Alright. Why don’t you just come find me when you’re ready for tea then?” 

His nephew really could be so thick-headed sometimes. He glanced sideways at Mai, but he wasn’t sure if she’d picked up on his plan either. (The girl was _good,_ alright?) 

“No, no, please don’t delay on my behalf,” he said. “It’s such a lovely day out. It deserves to be enjoyed. Mai, why don’t you join us, hm? I’d love to hear more about your adventures on Kyoshi Island.” 

“I really should be getting get back—”

“Nonsense!” Iroh chuckled. “I insist.” He turned to the servant. “Why don’t you show these two to the courtyard? I’ll join them shortly.” 

The servant bowed and motioned for Mai and Zuko to follow, which they did somewhat hesitantly. Despite their wariness around one another, neither of them refused, and Iroh took it as a personal victory when the trio disappeared around the corner without falling apart. 

Now he turned to Sho, motioning for him to follow Iroh down the opposite end of the hall. He had to play it cool. He couldn’t make it obvious that he had no intention of going back to the courtyard. 

“I’d like to be briefed on the extra security that will be present at tomorrow’s party. I have many questions and want to make sure I understand _everything_.” 

\---

“Iroh!” Ursa called out to him later as he passed by one of the palace sitting rooms. Iroh backtracked and smiled at his sister-in-law. 

“Are you not taking tea with Zuko this afternoon?” 

Iroh shook his head and stepped into the room. 

“No,” he said. “There was...another commitment.”

“Well then, come sit,” she replied, motioning to the empty space across from her. 

Iroh did as instructed and the two instantly fell into a comfortable silence. Ever since Iroh had accompanied her to confront Ozai in his cell, the woman seemed lighter, more buoyant somehow. After so many years of Ozai’s oppressive policies and parenting (if one could even call it that), it was refreshing to see how things could be, how the Fire Nation could actually thrive. It gave Iroh hope about the future...perhaps that was why he’d given Mai and Zuko a little push. The promise of possibility was too sweet to ignore, especially when it came to his favorite nephew’s happiness. 

While it could be a dangerous game to play, it was still intoxicating. He was reminded of his days of White Lotus parties and the late nights spent drinking too much of someone’s liquor stash. By the end of the night, a couple of people had inevitably gambled away a few valuables, though Iroh never participated. He never saw the point.

But now that the future was filled with untold opportunity, it was making him restless, and he was beginning to understand how easy it could be to let your guard down, to bet it all in the hopes of winning something greater. 

“Ursa,” he began. “Would you consider yourself a betting woman?” 

Ursa regarded him curiously. “It depends. What are the stakes?”

“Is your son’s happiness high enough?” 

Ursa laughed. “Does this have anything to do with that girl Zuko is hopelessly in love with? Mai?” 

“Perhaps,” Iroh said. He could already see the twinkle in Ursa’s eye. This would be fun. 

“Tell me everything,” she said conspiratorially, leaning in closer.

The two spent the next few hours scheming away, and Iroh felt just like the teenagers whose business he was meddling in. (Did it count as meddling if it was for a good cause? Iroh would have to think about it.) 

There was nothing to do now except wait for the festivities to begin. And, after all, Iroh was a patient man. 

***

Mai was now certain that everyone in her life was working against her. First it was Ty Lee. Then her aunt had forced her to take the fire lily bouquet to the palace alone, claiming that she was just _so_ busy—nevermind the fact that they’d only helped three or four customers since the shop opened—and now, this. Still, Zuko’s uncle had been right. It was a lovely day. 

“You’re back sooner than I thought you’d be,” Zuko piped up from the other side of the small table that had been waiting for them in the courtyard. He took a careful sip of his tea. 

“Yeah, well, I couldn’t stay forever without becoming a Kyoshi Warrior, according to Ty Lee,” Mai said, taking a sip of her own tea and trying to hide her smirk. 

Truthfully, it had been her idea to come back to the Fire Nation sooner. A few days after her little outburst (which everyone was nauseatingly kind and understanding of), she’d looked at Ty Lee after breakfast and said, “I think it’s time.” She’d hidden for long enough. 

Ty Lee had nodded and informed Suki. She was booked on the next ship out, declining to ride back at the end of the week on Appa with Aang and the others for Zuko’s party. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the flying bison, although she did still get a little queasy every time she found herself in the saddle. She just needed some time to consider the best course of action, a gameplan of sorts on what to do when she saw Zuko again, which had turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. (Mai still didn’t know what _that_ had been...she’d just stood there, unnerved like an idiot. Why was apathy so much easier than vulnerability?!)

Maybe coming back home to Zuko had been a bad idea. But damn, if it wasn’t so easy to fall back into step with him. Even after she’d tried putting as much distance as she could between them, some invisible string was still insistent on pulling them back together. (Whether it was by her aunt or Iroh’s design was yet to be surmised.) 

Zuko smiled and a hive of butterflies exploded in Mai’s stomach. Oh, she was definitely in trouble. 

“So, this break in,” she began, “I want details.” 

“It’s a good thing Sho isn’t in charge of palace relations, isn’t it?” Zuko sighed. “I caught someone stealing something from my office.” 

“That can’t be the whole story,” Mai said. 

“It is!” Zuko replied. He set his tea cup down and sat back, fully relaxing into his chair. The regality of his Firelord title instantly fell off, and Mai was struck by how young he was, how young they all still were. 

He shrugged. “They escaped and I can’t figure out what they took. Everyone’s just taking extra precautions. There hasn’t been any sign of the thief since.” 

“That’s because they’re not stupid.” She paused, thinking. “How’d they get into your office?” 

Zuko shrugged again. 

“Nothing was broken into?” Mai asked. 

“Nope.” 

“Then it would have to be an inside job,” she said. “They had someone in the palace let them in. Does Suki know about this? She should.” 

Zuko’s mouth hung open as he processed Mai’s words. “Why didn’t I think of that?” he said to himself. “An inside job. Of course.” 

Now it was Mai’s turn to shrug. “Why break things apart if you have someone who can let you in?” 

“You’re brilliant,” Zuko sighed. “I should just put you in charge of this investigation.” 

Mai nearly choked on her tea. 

“In an unofficial capacity, of course,” Zuko backtracked. His face was flushed with panic again at his little blunder. Why did he have to be so cute when he was flustered? “And only if you wanted to. I’m not forcing you into anything. It’s just...I just…” 

He trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose again. “Forget it. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” 

“No, it’s okay,” she replied. She replenished her nearly empty teacup as she formulated a response. “I’m very flattered.”

“Forget it, Mai, it was stupid.” 

“Do you think there’s someone who can do a better job?” she deadpanned, relishing Zuko’s thrown expression a little too much. It wasn’t until her face broke into a lopsided grin that Zuko’s did the same. 

“Well, no,” he chuckled. “I just didn’t think you’d be interested.” 

“Oh, I’m interested,” she said. “Very interested. Extremely, even.” 

It wasn’t entirely the truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. But she knew the truth...she knew why she was secretly thrilled when her aunt had her deliver things to the palace, or when it was clear Uncle Iroh was doing his own bit of scheming, and even why she was going to take this unofficial job to ensure that the firelord was protected. Because at the end of the day, she knew this was where she was meant to be: Right here, across from Zuko, sharing a cup of tea. It was as simple and complicated as that. 

“You’ll really do it?” he asked. 

She nodded. 

Zuko beamed at her and she was swept up in the same terrifying-yet-thrilling feeling she felt during the few times she’d ridden Appa when he lifted effortlessly into the air. Why did flying have to feel like she was about to crash into the pavement? 

She was sure they would’ve stayed like that smiling at each other for the rest of the evening if one of the servants hadn’t come into the courtyard looking like they were about to burst with the news they were carrying. 

“Sorry to bother you, sir,” they bowed, “but the Avatar has arrived.” 

***

The next fourteen hours were filled with the hullabaloo that comes along with getting ready. Servants and advisors alike carried swaths of fabric, dishes, platters of food, more hot water for the Avatar’s friends, and freshly-cleaned headpieces around the palace in a frantic haze. 

“Everything is ready, sir,” Sho said after placing Zuko’s crown just so. He motioned for him to follow. “Right this way.” 

“Ready, Katara?” Aang asked from his suite, turning toward his girlfriend’s sparkling eyes as she put the finishing touches on her hairdo. 

“Ready,” she said, taking his hand. “Let’s go find Sokka and the others.”   
  
In the quarters next to the flower shop, Ty Lee, finally back from Kyoshi Island herself, implored her friend as she helped her get ready. 

“Pleassseeee, Mai? Just a little bit of pink?” 

Mai swatted her hand away. 

“Absolutely not.” 

Outside of the palace, the invited gentry prepared their baths and finest robes for Firelord Zuko’s presence. The brightest jewels gleamed in large rings and hairs were smoothed into place; after all, everything had to be perfect when one was going to the palace to be seen. Any fine society member knows that. 

“Are you ready, madam?” a servant asked. 

“Yes, fetch my carriage.” 

And even in the furthest reaches of the caldera, at a lone little cherry cart in the marketplace, Hiromi prepared for her next move. Two palace servants came by to purchase more food for the festivities, shoving a rusty key in her palm along with the necessary coins. 

“Be ready,” they said. 

Hiromi smiled, pocketing her new treasures. “Oh, I will be.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya have it! I tacked on that little button scene at the last minute...not sure how I feel about it lol. I'm currently working on the next sequence and can't wait to have it updated SOON! As always, thanks for reading :) 
> 
> Also, a note on the title that no one asked for: It's from the incredible musical Hadestown, which is a modern retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth. (I see a lot of Maiko similarities in the other pair of young lovers.) The "And I have been all along" line comes in the denouement of the show in a number called Doubt Comes In. Eurydice sings it to Orpheus (although he can’t hear her), and it always reminds me of the loyalty Mai has to Zuko and how blind he can be to it. 
> 
> It's a beautiful story and so so tragic...check it out if you feel so inclined!


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